I gotta tell you, I had no idea how hard it would be to lose an animal. I didn’t have them when i was a kid so I never had to say goodbye before last week. It was tough, really tough.

Some of the strange thoughts I’ve been having include things like, “The last time I did this, Schmitty was alive.” Or, “The last time I went to the gym, I didn’t know he was going to die.”

At this rate, I only have 15 years worth of “last times” to get through. Ugh.

Yesterday I started to cry in the grocery store when I walked by the pet food isle. Tobyjoe had to hug my head. It’s getting easier, I don’t cry every night anymore but the sadness sneaks up on me now. One minute I’m going about things, the next minute I’m sobbing again.

I go from feeling OK, to unbelievably sad, to shameful for feeling so bad. Who am I comparing myself to and why? Don’t people grieve differently? Why am I not allowing myself to fully admit to how hard this has been for me?

I can’t imagine how people live through the death of a spouse, father or mother. This has been trying enough. I hope by the time I have to face that grim reality, I have thicker skin (or an unlimited supply of Xanax and preferably not be pregnant.)

I think this website will end up being very popular. Eventually you might want to consider separate areas for dog, cats, etc.

Thanks, StFarmer.

I hope that when someone goes looking (as we had) they will find this and will get the help they need. I felt a little lost. If it hadn’t been for Flickr people, and my Web site, I would have had a much, much worse time. The email I got from people kept me going. It made me feel sane. Sometimes, they even made me laugh. I am shocked that there aren’t more pet loss sites out there.

We do have ideas for the second roll out. For now, we’re trying to see that it works it was created in such a short amount of time. (It helped us mourn for Schmitty) Let us know right away if there are any bugs. I know Tobyjoe is working diligently to fix things as they happen.

We’re also trying to generate some content. :]

Schmitty brought us so much joy we hope that this site might help keep that joy alive even at a time when folks are feeling really down.

It will take time. And it’s okay to still be feeling the way you are. In fact, I don’t think there is any “right” timeframe for your mourning, or is there a right or a wrong way to mourn your loss. I didn’t know Schmitty, but I’m sure that he, like your other cats and all other cats, had a very unique and individual personality and spirit; your relationship with him was unique, as was his with Tobyjoe and with Tucker and with Pookum and with all of the other beings in his life. You will all mourn his loss in your own way, and luckily you can draw strength from each other.

It has been very clear from what you’ve written about him, from the photos you have posted, that Schmitty was a very special little creature, and that you loved him deeply, and he loved you just as deeply. I can’t tell you how many times Mike and I cried along with you when reading about what you all were going through, and how we hugged our kitties just a little bit tighter than usual. This site is a beautiful thing that came out of your grief, and I thank you for it. It’s going to be a wonderful resource for people who go through health issues and the loss of a pet.

I’d like to suggest a “Memorial” section for sickpetsupport. There are a bunch of these online, but they’re sort of anonymous… It’d be nice to have one in a more intimate place like this. Here’s one… http://www.pethall.com/pet_memorials.htm

When I lost Thomas a few years ago, I went through a lot of similar stuff. I was really a wreck for months, and I felt so responsible, like I should have been able to do more. They are ultimately so dependent upon us, and at our mercy. I still wonder if I did the right thing by euthanizing him when he went in to heart failure. He seemed so present, and like maybe he’d be ok a little longer. But the vets at the hospital advised me to do it, so I did.

I know this is a weird question, Michele, but did you keep him? I ordered a really lovely ceramic cat-shaped urn for his ashes and I keep T. next to my bed.

The hospital sent me a sweet card about a week after, and it had this poem in it.

The Rainbow Bridge

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other.

There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly stops playing and looks up! The nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes from the group are staring! And this one suddenly runs from the group.

You have been seen, and when you and your friend meet, you take him or her in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never to be separated again.

My textile blockquotes didn’t seem to work…I’m new to this textile thing. Is there any way I can edit?

I have Tobyjoe on it, Yzz. We plan to add editing in version 2.0. But let me see what he can do now. Sorry about that. Textile confuses me greatly as well.

We did have a memorial section. We took it away at the last minute for bereavement. But there is that empty spot at the very right hand side. I will ask Tj to add that back in tonight.

Also, we did keep him. They called us on Friday to say that he is back. I can’t get in there because I’ll lose it all over again, but Tobyjoe is going to pick him up soon. As far as the urn goes, I wrote to an old potter friend of mine, Mike Pappas, to ask him if he’d make me something custom. (For hire, of course.) It would take a while, which would mean Schmitty would have to live in a cardboard box for a while, but it might be worth it.

We’re working on the design of the urn. We’ll see.

Also, I read that some folks keep the ashes around and then think about sprinkling them with other pets and/or themselves even. Interesting idea.

Now I see what you mean about a memorial section. Thanks for the suggestion, my lady.

I meant to describe it more fully but got lost in the other stuff (and I’m multi-tasking quite poorly today, as well.) What I was thinking was a means of posting a small photo and a few words about our friend…

That’s very cool you’re having an urn custom made for him. Definitely worth it. This (on the left) is what I got for Thomas. It’s sort of generic, but it was all I could find at the time.

I think it’s beautiful, yzz. Really. Where did you get it? Did you already set up a link?

It was from ‘Our Pals’ -

http://www.ourpals.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=CTGY&;Store_Code=O&Category_Code=CCU

I remember it being pretty pricey, especially considering I’d just spent over $5,000 on veterinary care, but it is a really nice piece. Comes with a small hole (sorta tough to get the ashes in) and a rubber stop.

you just gave me an idea for a new topic…

That Rainbow Bridge poem is beautiful! It really does give us all hope!

Wow, coming back here and reading this, written by me a year or so ago:

“It will take time. And it’s okay to still be feeling the way you are. In fact, I don’t think there is any “right” timeframe for your mourning, or is there a right or a wrong way to mourn your loss.”

...it’s really something. I had no idea at that time that our time with our Dub was drawing to a close, and I came here wanting to write something about how I’ve been feeling. It’s hard. It has been hard every single day since that horrible morning April 3rd when we lost him so unexpectedly, and I am really not handling it well, at all. It’s hard to talk about it with Mike because he gets so upset, too, and his way of grieving is to not talk about it as much as I tend to do, and I have to respect that.

But I miss our boy so much it aches, it literally aches, and not a day has passed in the last few months that I haven’t had a catch in my throat and teared up or completely broke down at least once. I’m sad for the way it has affected all of us – both me and Mike as well as Junie and especially Kali. Dub’s big voice saved them, it is the reason they were found and rescued and came into my life, and the fact that we’re not all celebrating our 7th year together right now just kills me.

I’d give anything for more time with him. It’s just cruel how he was taken away from us so soon, and without warning.